Every action that Jesus took was rooted in empathy. So much was this the case that in Matthew 25:31-46, he promises to remain in the world as an invisible presence with those who are hungry or thirsty. The nations of the world will be judged by how they treated the strangers in their midst, that is anyone who is a refugee, immigrant, speaks a distinct language, or follows another faith tradition. Christ demands that we have empathy for those who are homeless, ragged, sick, or in prison. Those who follow Jesus understand his solidarity with the weak.
The intentional practice of Empathy is at the heart of the prayer Jesus taught us. When we pray, we think of how Jesus came into our world out of the unimaginable glory of eternity. So we stand with Jesus and pray for the elevation of our world to the goodness and charity of heaven. I use the archaic word “charity,” meaning an attitude of kindness and tolerance in judging others. We seem to have lost this love for humanity which used to mark Christ’s Church. We pray, “Thy [charitable] kingdom come… on earth as it is in heaven.”
Then we move further to the central petition, to express in one line the practice of Empathy to guide our charity:
“…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Some people lack both the ability to apologize for their misdeeds and the capacity to forgive others. The two are obviously related. If one cannot empathize and understand how your failures have made others feel, then one won’t know how to apologize. If you have never empathized with someone who needed your forgiveness, then you will not be in a position to receive forgiveness from God or anyone else. When asking for mercy, we beg the other to empathize with us, as we have empathized with others in the past who needed our mercy.
Now, name in your heart a person who lacks the ability to either apologize or seek forgiveness. Instead of dismissing them as being too stupid to realize that they have done certain misdeeds, try to understand their loss of this emotion, empathy. Without empathy, they not only lack the capacity to apologize and reform their behavior to not to offend in the future, they lack the ability to practice charity — that love for fellow humans — in situations where it’s expected out of “normal” adults. Loss of empathy is what creates sociopaths. In those of us who are not at that extreme, it permits us to practice casual cruelty.
I love this line from the Apostle Paul:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil…
If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.
[A reference to how our faces redden when we are shamed]
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
– Romans 12:17, 20-21
Heaping burning coals upon someone’s head may seem a bit much, but it points to the power of “good” shame. When we feel an appropriate amount of shame for our own misdeeds, we position ourselves to learn about empathy. When we respond with forgiveness and charity to someone who has hurt us — either personally or to a cause that we value — it heaps good shame upon their heads. We then pray for that ember of empathy to be fanned by the Holy Spirit to flame. Then, both we and the person we shame, can learn to “live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
Unfortunately, shame without empathy is always abusive. Therapists spend much of their time helping their clients discern when it is appropriate to feel shame and/or guilt, and when they are taking too much to heart the criticism of others. That said, it’s important to shame those whose cruelty is making our society dysfunctional. Journalists, comedians, and citizens committed to civil disobedience must use shame to point out when our leaders are no longer normal individuals. This can be dangerous.
This past week, Jimmy Kimmel began his monologue by speaking about the empathy we all share for the family, friends, and followers of Charlie Kirk. Then he pointed out the fact that President Trump lacks the capacity to truly feel the grief of others. He played a clip in which the President was asked about “his friend” Charlie Kirk and, after the briefest of acknowledgements of the tragedy, turned the reporter’s attention to the construction of the ballroom in the White House Rose Garden. Kimmel’s audience heard this as one more example of the President’s obvious lack of concern about anyone but himself. The joke would have fallen flat if there weren’t ample evidence that Trump lacks even a modicum of empathy. Because the remark landed home, Kimmel was taken off ABC’s Late Night show.
To get back to Jesus’ prayer, the kingdom that we pray to be manifested on earth is one of empathy, mercy, and tolerance for others. It begins with God’s commitment to forgive us. It is extended into our daily lives by acts of forgiveness and charitable deeds. As below, so above. What we expect to occur in our own interpersonal relationships, we also pray for in our nation. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done.
This is part 3 of a three-part series on Empathy at www.billkemp.info The other two parts are in the “Weekly Word” section of the blog.